Overwhelmed

I have said I was overwhelmed in the past.

I'm not so sure I was overwhelmed. I might have been stressed-out. I might have taken on too much. I might have been excessively busy, had too many everyday kind of decisions to make, hemmed and hawed and debated too much because I was insecure about those decisions.

But overwhelmed?

I have a new understanding of overwhelmed. 

NOW is when I am overwhelmed. More than ever. 

I remember feeling overwhelmed by circumstances before now. When Eric resigned from his children's ministry position at the church we loved in the town loved filled with people we thought of as family, where we first put down our married roots, I was overwhelmed. I was pregnant. Our marriage was messy. We had no idea what we were going to do. Yes, I was certainly overwhelmed, but I knew what we were doing was right.

What is happening in our lives now makes that period of our lives look like cake. I would go back and do that again if it meant not having to face this. 

I know God has this. I know He does. I keep telling myself this, and I believe it. I do. I just...want to know how He's got it. I want to know how this will work out for our good. He promises that all things work for our good, but I'm not seeing it. 

Yet.

I'm having trouble believing that I will see the good. But I will. RIGHT?

Overwhelmed. Yeah. That's what I am. That's what we are. Together. United. With a not so messy marriage. That's got to be better.

Overwhelmed.

Father, bring us peace. Replace our anxious hearts with hearts filled with the peace that passes understanding. Show us more of you every single day. Hold our hearts.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the PEACE of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in  Christ Jesus."    

Philippians 4:6-7