13 November 2014

Four Seasons: 30 Days, Autumn #30


My mom collected teapots, and I kept just a few of them after she passed away. I switch them out seasonally. This is the one I chose to keep and display during fall, and it is one of my favorites. It is not only beautiful and satisfies my love for displaying all things antique in my home, but it is a subtle reminder of my mama and who she was. It may not make sense (at least it doesn't make sense to me, but few parts of how I have grieved have left me feeling sane), but November is a hard month for me. It is the month I realized she was slipping away, and it was the month she eventually chose to end her treatments. Sure, December brings the day of her passing and the day of Dad's passing 2 weeks later; but, somehow, by the grace of God, I still love December and Christmas, or at least I was able to enjoy it more than I expected last year. I anticipate decorating this year, and I am looking forward to showering my children with love and my time and special memory making during the Advent season. I will mourn Mom's loss on December 12th, and I will mourn Dad's loss on December 29th, but the joy of Christmas and who Jesus is will not be lost in my heart. But November? It holds those hard memories. Last trip to the cancer treatment center. Last time I thought she might be here for Christmas, birthdays, special occasions. Last hospitalization.

It doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?  December should be when I feel this way, and maybe I'm wrong. Honestly, I didn't expect to feel this so strongly this year. I don't know what is normal or what is okay. I might be certifiably insane.

As an added note about the photo itself (all that was bonus, or something), the grape shade is one that I purchased years ago when my kitchen was decorated in a grape motif. I still love it, and I thought it spoke of Autumn as well.

The 30 day challenge is done, and I think I will miss it. How much fun it was!

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