04 February 2015

A Long Blog Post About Not Writing Enough Blog Posts

I have virtually ignored this blog for two months. Not even virtually. More like, completely. And, really, even prior to that, I wasn't really writing. I was mostly biding my time here. Making feeble attempts at keeping my blog going. Mostly, this is because I don't do things that are just because I enjoy them, or (to make half of you cringe), I don't do things just for me.

If I read that exact sentence above on any blog, I would probably have rolled my eyes a little, stopped right there, and moved to the next blog. "Another post about how moms need to take time for themselves? No way. Not for me."

Actually, I don't even take the time to read blogs anymore, and I love reading blogs. I love reading books. And magazines. I love reading internet articles. Dictionaries. I love reading dictionaries. Okay, so I don't love reading dictionaries, but since I was inserting this somewhat pointless paragraph about my love of reading, why not throw in a meager attempt at humor?

Maybe I'm so lost in this business of life that I can't even focus long enough to create a cohesive blog post? 

Maybe I should take a deep breath (I really did. You should too!), and refocus.

Don't get me wrong here. I am so not the mommy blogger who gets all hyped up about "me time." I despise that phrase. I think it is way over used (much like the word "way" is also way overused, but I can't seem to eliminate it without sounding all wordy or antiquated). I also think moms use it as an excuse to justify selfishness.


"Did she just say that?"

Yeah. I did, but, let me once again throw out the often used phrase, don't get me wrong. Balance. We all need balance. There are two sides to this swinging pendulum, and it's equally wrong to let it swing in either direction and stick there. Plus getting hit with a gigantor pendulum hurts.

Just as ignoring all of your wants, needs, talents, hobbies, and desires is not good for you or your family, neither is making "me time" an idol. Find balance, my friends. In fact, that's kind of the theme of my life right now.

Find balance.

This blog post is about rescuing myself from drowning. Yes. I get it. I know what you feel like. I understand that great, deep desire to do something that is only for you, or maybe it is for someone else but it's something that you completely and totally love doing. Same fulfillment.

I have empathy. I empathize with the mom of the screaming baby who will.not.stop. You feed him, change his diaper, give him gas drops, put on some extra clothes because maybe he's cold, strip him down to his diaper because maybe he's hot, lay him in his cradle because maybe he doesn't want to be touched, pick him up because maybe he needs to establish trust, drive him around the neighborhood at 2 in the morning, sit his car seat on the dryer, and STILL, he continues to do nothing but SCREAM...

Oh I have been there, mamas.

I have experienced the toddler who screamed hysterically over something that I can't even remember. My neighbors were alerted and came to see that all was well.

How about the 4 year old who made my heart skip a beat when he got out of bed before me, took my keys off the counter, and went to the car to get the toy he left there the day before? You have not seen pride on your child's face until you have seen this boy's excitement over his great accomplishment. Did you hear what he did? He took my keys, went to the parking lot of of our apartment complex, got into the car, and then got back into the apartment using our electronic key. Imagine if even one part of that had gone wrong. I can still see his beaming smile and feel the panic in my gut as I contemplate, once again, what might have happened to my little guy.

Wow. How did I miss that this boy child was so hard on me in the early years?

No matter. You get it. I know how overwhelmed we are. All of us. With infants and toddlers and pre-teens and teens and adult children. Parenting is hard stuff. 

And in the midst of it, I am still me. You are still you.

So I am changing things up. I'm rediscovering things that make me tick. Purposefully. When time allows. When I make time allow.

I'm going to write. I'm going to read. I'm going to scrapbook with actual craft supplies because that's the way I roll. I'm going to crochet and watch old movies with stars like Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn and Jimmy Stewart and Shirley Temple. I'm going to craft and think and breathe things that I love. Weekly. Daily? Maybe.


Remember when you were single and doing things you love just because you loved them was okay?

Guess what?

It still is.

Yes, it will make me a better person. Yes, it will make my children better people because they will see me enjoying life more. Blah, blah, blah. You've read all those blogs just like I have. You've seen the countless Facebook posts.

No, it will not replace the time I spend teaching, home making, serving at church, hanging out with my family, etc... Mostly, it'll eliminate all the time I waste doing stupid things (like the 30 minutes that pass every single day between when I say, "I'm going to work out," and when I actually hit play on the BluRay player). 

Last week I started the afghan you see posted at the top of this post. My daughter is such a bundle of spunk, and she chose the yarn so perfectly for herself. This afghan screams of who she is. I started writing this blog. I would even take some real pictures if I had a working camera. 

If most of us are honest with ourselves, we have time for the things that are most important to us. That's another blog post entirely, isn't it?

Next, to organize the scrapbooking space so I can actually enjoy some time doing actual scrapbooking.

I'll keep you posted.

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