A Long Blog Post About Not Writing Enough Blog Posts

I have virtually ignored this blog for two months. Not even virtually. More like, completely. And, really, even prior to that, I wasn't really writing. I was mostly biding my time here. Making feeble attempts at keeping my blog going. Mostly, this is because I don't do things that are just because I enjoy them, or (to make half of you cringe), I don't do things just for me.

If I read that exact sentence above on any blog, I would probably have rolled my eyes a little, stopped right there, and moved to the next blog. "Another post about how moms need to take time for themselves? No way. Not for me."

Actually, I don't even take the time to read blogs anymore, and I love reading blogs. I love reading books. And magazines. I love reading internet articles. Dictionaries. I love reading dictionaries. Okay, so I don't love reading dictionaries, but since I was inserting this somewhat pointless paragraph about my love of reading, why not throw in a meager attempt at humor?

Maybe I'm so lost in this business of life that I can't even focus long enough to create a cohesive blog post? 

Maybe I should take a deep breath (I really did. You should too!), and refocus.

Don't get me wrong here. I am so not the mommy blogger who gets all hyped up about "me time." I despise that phrase. I think it is way over used (much like the word "way" is also way overused, but I can't seem to eliminate it without sounding all wordy or antiquated). I also think moms use it as an excuse to justify selfishness.

HANG ON!

"Did she just say that?"

Yeah. I did, but, let me once again throw out the often used phrase, don't get me wrong. Balance. We all need balance. There are two sides to this swinging pendulum, and it's equally wrong to let it swing in either direction and stick there. Plus getting hit with a gigantor pendulum hurts.

Just as ignoring all of your wants, needs, talents, hobbies, and desires is not good for you or your family, neither is making "me time" an idol. Find balance, my friends. In fact, that's kind of the theme of my life right now.

Find balance.
This blog post is about rescuing myself from drowning. Yes. I get it. I know what you feel like. I understand that great, deep desire to do something that is only for you, or maybe it is for someone else but it's something that you completely and totally love doing. Same fulfillment.

I have empathy. I empathize with the mom of the screaming baby who will.not.stop. You feed him, change his diaper, give him gas drops, put on some extra clothes because maybe he's cold, strip him down to his diaper because maybe he's hot, lay him in his cradle because maybe he doesn't want to be touched, pick him up because maybe he needs to establish trust, drive him around the neighborhood at 2 in the morning, sit his car seat on the dryer, and STILL, he continues to do nothing but SCREAM...

Oh I have been there, mamas.

I have experienced the toddler who screamed hysterically over something that I can't even remember. My neighbors were alerted and came to see that all was well.

How about the 4 year old who made my heart skip a beat when he got out of bed before me, took my keys off the counter, and went to the car to get the toy he left there the day before? You have not seen pride on your child's face until you have seen this boy's excitement over his great accomplishment. Did you hear what he did? He took my keys, went to the parking lot of of our apartment complex, got into the car, and then got back into the apartment using our electronic key. Imagine if even one part of that had gone wrong. I can still see his beaming smile and feel the panic in my gut as I contemplate, once again, what might have happened to my little guy.

Wow. How did I miss that this boy child was so hard on me in the early years?

No matter. You get it. I know how overwhelmed we are. All of us. With infants and toddlers and pre-teens and teens and adult children. Parenting is hard stuff. 

And in the midst of it, I am still me. You are still you.

So I am changing things up. I'm rediscovering things that make me tick. Purposefully. When time allows. When I make time allow.

I'm going to write. I'm going to read. I'm going to scrapbook with actual craft supplies because that's the way I roll. I'm going to crochet and watch old movies with stars like Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn and Jimmy Stewart and Shirley Temple. I'm going to craft and think and breathe things that I love. Weekly. Daily? Maybe.

Purposefully.

Remember when you were single and doing things you love just because you loved them was okay?

Guess what?

It still is.

Yes, it will make me a better person. Yes, it will make my children better people because they will see me enjoying life more. Blah, blah, blah. You've read all those blogs just like I have. You've seen the countless Facebook posts.

No, it will not replace the time I spend teaching, home making, serving at church, hanging out with my family, etc... Mostly, it'll eliminate all the time I waste doing stupid things (like the 30 minutes that pass every single day between when I say, "I'm going to work out," and when I actually hit play on the BluRay player). 

Last week I started the afghan you see posted at the top of this post. My daughter is such a bundle of spunk, and she chose the yarn so perfectly for herself. This afghan screams of who she is. I started writing this blog. I would even take some real pictures if I had a working camera. 

If most of us are honest with ourselves, we have time for the things that are most important to us. That's another blog post entirely, isn't it?

Next, to organize the scrapbooking space so I can actually enjoy some time doing actual scrapbooking.

I'll keep you posted.

13 Years a Mama

13 years a mama. To this ^^^ handsome boy.

There are a few beliefs I held 13 years ago that I can officially debunk.

1. 13 years of being a mom is not a long time. There aren't a lot of things that we spend 13 consecutive years doing. The proverbial length of your 13 years are depends on how much you enjoy what you're doing. 13 years of school, for example, was the longest 13 years for some people, and some would say the same thing of parenting (which makes me cringe). 13 years of parenting, for me, has been better than I could ever have imagined, and my imagination is pretty wild!

2. I am still.so.young. I remember looking at my friends who had teen-agers and thinking things like, "They're so much older." Now? I look at those same people and think, they're really not much older than me, and at 38 years old, I still feel young. Lots of adventures are ahead of me. Having a teen in the house doesn't change that.

3. Parenting pre-teens is a blast. Sure, there are moments, but, mostly, as your kids are becoming these great, intellectually capable, grown-up people, it is a joy-filled journey. I knew I would love parenting through the little kid stages, but this? I never saw it coming. Seriously. Don't let our culture fool you. Don't get stuck assuming it's going to stink. It doesn't have to. It pretty much rocks. Maybe it is what you make it, and I choose to make it this amazing experience. I choose the same for the next 10 years of parenting teen-agers too.

I know that some of you might be thinking that I may be naive. He's only 13. You've "been there, done that." I get it. I'm not saying pre-teens are easy, and I'm not expecting the teen years to be easy either. I'm just saying, there is a ton of joy here, and isn't that where we should be focusing our thoughts? Let's face it, Americans have a love affair with the negative, dramatic, difficult, trials of life. I choose to find camaraderie in the joy instead, and I want all of you to know that joy exists right here! So much joy!

So anyway, 13 years a mama. How awesome is that? I love that I am the mom of a teenager! It's something new! Something fun! I'm always up for an adventure.

My boy is incredible. He is one of the smartest people I know. I'm pretty sure the fact that he can create just about anything from Legos is going to lead him to one of the best careers ever. He is genuinely helpful, and he has a heart that naturally wants to take care of the people he loves. He seeks God on his own!!! I am sure I'll be blogging about him again in a few months because he is on target to complete a one year Bible reading plan because he chose to do so without prodding. In fact, it was his idea! He's also studying high school biology this year at his request, and I think I might be a little more intimidated than he is, not because of the material, but of the responsibility of teaching a 13 year old the intricacies of biology. It's going to be a blast, and I am seriously excited about it, but..yeah. Big responsibility. But to Lukas? It's just another learning opportunity.

Lukas is so many things...Joy-filled. Humorous. Creative. Smart. Musical. Loving. Kind. Seeker of knowledge. Seeker of God. He is discovering God in new ways and growing his faith. He is more than I could have imagined. 

But mostly?

He is mine. My son. My boy. The one who made me a mama, who made Eric a daddy.

We are so blessed, so filled by God because of this boy. 

So very, very grateful.

Missing Cues

I've realized some things about myself. It's always good to experience somewhat of an epiphany (though I'm not sure I would exactly call it that) that is totally about yourself and is totally something you can change, fix, eliminate, or, if the epiphany is of sound doctrine, encourage in oneself.

Mine isn't the kind I want to encourage.

Trust. Control. I have problems with these things. I wouldn't say that I have "control issues," especially since that phrase has become so very cliche. I would say that, just like everyone else, I have trust issues, but not as in "I can't possibly trust another person" because that most certainly is not true of me. I am saying most of us, if not all of us, have had a trust issue at some point in our life. Ultimately, it is God we are not trusting, I am not trusting, and, when I have the most trouble trusting, I seek to control parts of my life to the 10th power.

When life was spinning out of control, or, a better way to put it might be, when life was spinning out of MY control, I really do believe that I clung to the Lord, but there was a part of my heart that was desperate for control, for normal, for routine. Some of this was good. My house was cleaner and less cluttered at times (and other times, there just wasn't time to do it). But most things weren't good. Routines are made to be broken, I suppose, and routine is not designed to be desperately clung to like poison ivy vines on a fence post. I might have been poison ivy at times.

I also missed cues, natural cues that should not have been missed, but I missed them none the less, and that's where my epiphany comes into play.

I own too much control. I practice too much routine. I do not give enough freedom to choose.  I do not inspire enough confidence. I do not grant enough independence.

Let me explain.

My children are so capable, so smart, so mature. They are 10 and 12 and going on 21. Yet, they annoy me with questions like these:

"Can I have a snack?"
 "Can I have soem more carrots?"

"Can I wear my pajamas today?"

"Can I change into something warmer? Cooler? Longer? Prettier?"

To these types of questions, I recently noticed my answers becoming rather snarky as I thought to myself, "Why in the world is my child asking me to eat if she is hungry? Why do I need to give her permission for this???" I found myself giving snarky question-answers.

"I don't know, do you know where to find the food?"

Blank stare.

"Are there carrots left in the pan?"

 Look of confusion.

"Are you going to church, co-op, practice, dance, or other public place? No? Why do I care what you wear?."

Eye roll.

"Are you hot? Then change. Are you cold? Then change. I don't care what you wear. One outfit a day unless you are hot, cold, or need to feel prettier or want to pay the water bill and do your own laundry."

Um. Okay.

Then it hit me. My children aren't trying to be needy, and they know they are capable of making these little choices (they make much bigger choices every single day!). They aren't trying to revert back to the way things were when they were much smaller and needed to ask these questions. They are asking these ridiculous questions because I have always answered them. I have not necessarily required them to ask for a snack, but neither have I suggested that they own that part of their life (I may have had to place some pretty stringent rules on the clothing issues for a while when Ava was going through a 10-outfits-a-day stage).

The point is, our life imploded when my children were 6 and 9, and, because I wasn't tuned into their growing up, and because I've never raised an elementary aged or pre-teen child, and because they are by nature obedient, loving, children who desire to please their mother, in some ways, they are still walking these paths they walked at 6 and 9 in the ways they walked them at 6 and 9. I should have noticed. This isn't fair to them. Because I didn't, I have one child who does not understand the potential that exists within him. That is my fault. And that is what I need to fix.

So, a week or two ago, I embraced this epiphany and began to push.

And push, and push, and push.

At first, my kids just stopped and looked at me.

"Yes, you really can choose these things for yourself. Yes, you really can do that; you just don't believe you can."

"I have taught you how to choose healthy snacks. You choose. I don't care. Stop asking me."

She shrungs. She thinks a moment. She smiles a cock-eyed grin and says, "Okay," and then comes back frmo the kitchen with a steaming cup of hot cocoa piled with whipped cream.

My children do so many things without me. I almost never prepare their breakfast, they begin their morning routines without prodding (most of the time). I hand Lukas his assignment book and make a daily list for Ava, and they go to town on their schoolwork. I sincerely can't even relate to those homeschooling parents who argue with their kids to get them to do their assignments each day (oh, we have moments, of course, but daily? Never.). Chores, now, those we have to discuss sometimes (daily), but I have a 12 year old who randomly cleans without being asked or told just because he saw that it needed to be done. He is proactive. And he's 12. This is what we want, right! And my kids? They adore each other. Sure, they have sibling moments, but their relationship with each other is sweet. I would love to tell you about some of their most intimate moments, but that would not be fair to them, so I will spare them, but know that my children love each other, and I will never doubt that.

And then there are those silly little things previously mentioned that I am wanting to bang my head against the wall because I missed the cues. Oy.

I will not offer them sarcasm or snark because that is not mothering. I will encourage and maybe push a little. Or a lot. I will get those aghast looks that remind me of this miss-step on the parenting journey, and, should I be offered this parenting opportunity again, I shall do it better.

One can only hope.

Blaming Barbie

Disclaimer: If you or someone you know has been adversely affected by exposure to Barbie dolls, please do not be offended by this post. I speak from my own limited experience.
 
I think Barbie gets a bad rap. I know, I know. She is a proportional impossibility, but of all the things in this world bombarding our little girls and causing them to concern themselves with body image at far too young of an age, I really, truly don't think Barbie is at fault any more than I think Cookie Monster is at fault for America's childhood obesity epidemic. How about we look at real people if we must blame someone besides ourselves?  Runway models live on peanuts and water and then toss their cookies so they don't gain a single ounce. Hollywood. Let's blame them! That's an easy target.

How about looking closer to home? Pregnant women refer to themselves with terms like "fat" or "disgusting" in front of their young daughters and peers when we all know that a pregnant woman is gorgeous, the way God intended her to be, swelling with the natural beauty of carrying a precious life. This is divine privilege! It is not ugly! 

Women, teenagers, mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends who wouldn't even tip a scale slightly in the direction of overweight still nit-pick their bodies because they crave perfection or, in some cases, want someone to speak up and affirm that they are not fat every time they say, "I'm so fat." Is this where we can find blame?

Maybe we shouldn't blame anyone. In fact, the word "blame" has been overused just within this blog post, so let's all find another word or another tactic. Could it be that women are just hard on ourselves by nature? Could it be that the moment Eve chose to listen to the serpent, she predisposed all of womanhood to a life of self-critique? 

I think yes.

I was never, ever bothered by Barbie's waist size. I played with my Barbies all the time. Loved them, right up until I realized it wasn't so cool anymore, and then I probably loved them. I was 12 and so sad when it was time to give her up.

When my little girl was old enough for her first Barbie doll, I was thrilled. They were easy gifts. If someone asked what to buy her, for a few years, we almost always suggested something to do with Barbie. Barbie is still a pretty good gift for my girl. Barbie is one of those childhood favorite things that I enjoy being able to share with her.

On top of this, have you ever watched a Barbie movie? They're fantastic. I love them. They are filled with great morals, godly character traits (so they wouldn't word it that way, but that is what they are), hard lessons learned, tough ethical situations, and girl affirmations that are an asset to any little girl. They include fairy tales and classic stories with modern twists, and they're almost always accompanied by great music, often classical. Barbie teaches little girls that the they are capable of doing great things. What's not to love?

I personally don't know of any grown woman who was bothered by Barbie's proportions, who ties their low self-esteem and body image issues to a doll they played with when they were 6. My opinion is that it is just plain silly. If you've had body image issues that you think were caused by Barbie, please leave me a comment. I truly, legitimately, want to hear your opinion if that is the case.

I want my girl to grow up and have a healthy, beautiful body and a positive body image. Of course I do, but what I want more is this: for my sweet girl to be so completely and totally in love and absorbed in Jesus that she defines herself only by His holy standard, and that she is completely and totally unaffected by anyone's waistline, real or fiction, because she knows who she is in Christ. 

Now that's a goal worth parenting for.

The Heart of the Matter

I remember my dad coming home from work on hot, summer days, sunburned, dirt smeared on his face, sweat still clinging to his clothes. Those were hard work days, and the last thing he needed was to come home and find his wife upset, with hurt emotions pouring from every muscle in her face because their pre-teen daughter said something hurtful again. He would deal with me immediately, usually in a way that made me very unhappy and more angry at my mother for whatever infraction she had committed against me. Usually, I would be grounded and threatened with some other harsher, long-term punishment that never took place. 

Now I live on the other side of the battle. I watch as my pre-teen tries to discover where he fits in the world, and I desperately want to help him figure it out. Most of us muddle through this season, not having any idea if we're doing or saying the right things to help our young people to become men and women who reflect Jesus. Since our goal is to share eternity with this son of ours and to raise a confident, strong, capable man of God, we must choose to discover God's way to disciple and discipline this child. Muddling is not an option. We don't get a second chance, so we have to believe that God has fully equipped us for this.

So how do we do that? How do I look at this budding man I adore with all my mama heart and train him to become like Christ? How do I stand face to face, eyes blazing at me, tongue lashing at me, anger flames scorching me without lashing back?

What I realized when I was thinking through things the other day was that what my parents usually chose for me didn't work. I was grounded. Frequently. I was given extra chores. It didn't help. So is there a purpose in us using these same consequences? Does grounding have a place in our parenting plan?

I think, yes; it does. Yesterday, in a conversation concerning how aggravated his current consequences were making him, I expressed to my young man that grounding will serve two purposes for him (and probably more). He will be reminded that he needs to find a better way to handle his emotions every time he hears the neighbors playing outside without him and every time he notices his sister getting some time on the computer or television, or when I borrow his Ipod because, why not? He isn't going to be using it. He will have so much more time on his hands to think about finding that better way.

But here is the deeper answer to the question. Standard consequences can't stand alone. They must be accompanied with more. How can we do this His way?
Discipleship. Character training.  This problem with my pre-teen is a heart issue. Sure, a lot of kids go through it, but Christian parents have to stop overlooking heart conditions in our children just because "everyone else is doing it." It makes me cringe when I hear other parents blow it off. The Bible does not say, "Be kind except for when you're learning to deal with raging new hormones," so unacceptable behaviors should not be tolerated in the name of teen angst. Neither does the Bible say, "Train up a child in the way he should go until he is 11 and he isn't always nice anymore because all kids go through that."

I am a realist. I know there will be moments when I want to lash back, when I want to throw in the towel even. We will probably re-play Monday's scene, when my husband came home from work knowing very little of what happened but keenly aware that I was hurting. I had that same look my mother used to give my own daddy. I will tell him what transpired, from both sides of the battlefield,  the good and the bad because my human nature sometimes escapes from my lips. 

My husband will walk up the stairs, sit with our son, talk with him, share scripture, put his arm around him, and pray with him. He will follow this up with accountability, making sure he has spent time in the Word daily.

That's pretty incredible, isn't it? 
 
On Monday evening when my son finally descended the stairs with humility, I saw him coming, and I waited for him to speak first this time. He sat across from me on the couch and with a tone of total regret said, "Mom, I'm really sorry."

And I believed him. 

This too is pretty incredible. 

I won't say that I handled things perfectly because I certainly did not, but I believe I gained some momentum. Am I exhausted with this process at times? You betcha. There will be days when I will need my husband or a dear friend to remind me that I'm getting some of this right because...

He's only 11. We have a long way to go, and his sister is trailing right behind him!

Triumph and Trial

I just sat on my patio and had an extended quiet time with the Lord on this cool June morning. Sweetening this experience was my little girl sitting in the chair next to me doing the same. We both paused to chat with each other when something caught our attention, sharing with each other the Lord's words on our hearts on this day. 

I ask you, mothers and fathers, does it get any better than this? Is this a moment that could be improved upon? 

I am divinely blessed. I know this. 

After a morning of lively discussion with my pre-teen, I needed this reminder. I was craving this time with the Lord. He knew this, and this is yet another reason why I am divinely blessed.

Pre-teenhood is an interesting parenting stage. This child of mine is just as awesome as ever, but there are moments when I do not know what to say or what to do for him. My influence is not always welcomed, but it is always necessary. This morning he began my day by whispering to his sister, "Hey, Ava, I love you." I counted that blessing as #940. I remembered that blessing half an hour later when he was attempting to debate right versus wrong behavior and whether or not his consequences were just. One hour of our day sucked away by sin.

I can't complain. He was grouchy. He was angry. I get that way. Often. Too often. How can I expect more from an 11 year old than I deliver from myself? 

We thought when each of our children was born that the Lord gave them to us to cherish and care for and raise in the knowledge of the Lord, but what we didn't fully understand was that the Lord gave us to these children to cherish and change and teach the deeper ways of the Lord.

I don't know who is learning more, them or me, but I know that the Lord is in this parent/child journey. These two gifts of mine provide me with so many opportunities to grow, change, and be molded into something that will one day look like Jesus. My great hope is that they will one day look like Jesus too.

And we will count all these things, moments of triumph and moments of trial, as blessings.

Sorrow in her Shoulders

Have you ever watched your child doing things that they love but noticed sadness in their eyes? In the curve of their tiny lips? In the slump of their shoulders?

I've noticed. Sweet daughter of mine dances, she plays with her dolls, pounds away on the piano, paints...and she loves all those things, but her eyes are not hiding what is inside her slowly mending heart. Happiness seems to escape her right now. Sadness envelopes her in some moments and rains on all that she loves, creating puddles of sorrow mud.

She is not overlooked, but it would be easy to do it. She is not the loud one with her most personal feelings. She is the one who wants to make everyone happy, who wants to serve everyone else. I have purposed to talk with her over the past two months to make sure she knew she could come to me, that I am hear for her, though I sometimes wonder if she thinks that she is here for me.

And maybe, in some ways, she is. 

In those quiet conversations when I go to her and say things like, "Your thoughts and feelings are important to me. How are you today," she tells me truthfully each time. Some days, she wants to talk; some days she does not. Some days, she looks away and her shoulders sag, and I know what she feels without hearing any words.

Today, she came to me on her own accord. Relief flooded my own sorrow puddle and joy droplets seemed to fill the hole. 

She is sad. She is learning what her triggers are and sometimes avoiding them. Sometimes not. She expressed this herself and I thought to myself, 

"She is mine. We are alike in this way."

I was so proud of this little girl of mine for telling me. I was so thrilled to be able to scoop her tiny self into my arms and hold her like the little girl she still is. We snuggled on the couch silently for a while as I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. We needed each other. We needed quiet. We needed to remember.

I know there will be more moments like this, and we will keep talking, and we will keep snuggling in silence.

Tonight, she is hyper and loud, her normal, with a smile spread across her lips as laughter escapes her mouth. She is beautiful. She is sparkling. 

She is...mine.

The Unworthy Soccer Mom

I am completely unworthy of the soccer mom title. Tonight, the rain hit the field about 10 minutes before practice was supposed to end, and I sat in my cozy van thinking, "Should I pull him off the field? He has a cold. Do I want him to be playing in this weather?" My conundrum quickly passed as the coach decided they weren't going to practice in the rain. I was relieved because this spared me of the guilt I was wrestling with. 

It seems like a no-win situation for me. I want my child to be healthy and to get exercise, so I should let him play no matter the weather, right? He's in 5th grade, not preschool, so when does he need to buck up a little and play in the rain even if it is frigid (it isn't exactly frigid today, but you get the point)? 

But then? He has a cold, and I'm his mother. Shouldn't I be guiding him toward taking care of his body when he's sick because I want him to get healthy? Shouldn't I be protecting him from situations in which he will likely become even more sick than he is?

It seems like no matter what choice I make, I might be making the wrong choice. Maybe there isn't a perfect choice. What would you do?

Add to this the fact that I don't like to sit in the cold rain to watch a soccer game. Yeah. I pretty much stink as a soccer mom, don't I? I'm seriously not worthy of the title. I know this. I don't really even think of myself as a soccer mom. I like to think that I'm more well rounded as a mom than that title suggests. Dance mom sounds crazy (thank you TLC). Basketball mom? Who has that title? Bible thumper? Ha.Ha.Ha.

Maybe I'm being ridiculous. Maybe I should be proud of the title, but it just sounds so busy to me. I am busy, but I am selective. When I think "soccer mom" I think of stressed-out housewives running from one field to the next, one game after another, balancing too much in too little time all from the confines of their mini-van as they run carpool for the entire neighborhood. That's not me. I like to have choices, and that scenario involves locking yourself into not having many choices.

I would like to choose to not freeze my tush off at a soccer game. 

But if he plays, I will be there because that's what we do, right? Rain or shine. Sleet or hail.  It's a good thing that I really, really, REALLY like watching soccer games.

This Saturday's weather forecast isn't looking very positive. 40s and rain. Blech.

My soccer player has a cold. We shall see how he is feeling and if that forecast becomes a reality.

And I will feel guilty no matter what I choose.

Scheduled Time

Do you schedule time with your family to talk to each other? If you don't, maybe you should. Our society is so bent on being busy all the time that we often busy ourselves right out of quality time with our family. I know, I know. I've been down this road in my blog before, but isn't it true? If you live in the same house, you should have time to talk to each other, right? Quality time shouldn't be defined as moments spoken in the car on your way to three different sports practices, nor should we live a lifestyle that causes us to feel like we have to play catch-up when it comes time for a vacation. Vacation should be bonus time together, not the only time we spend truly focused on being a family.

Six or seven months ago, we began doing a morning Bible study together. Previously, I always taught a Bible lesson during our school time, and Eric planned a devotional to do with us before bed. We still do a devotional before bed with the kids and spend time worshiping together through music during that time also, but we now do Bible study together in the morning before we start school and before Eric heads to work. We practice Bible memory work in the morning as well. Depending on what we're reading, this takes 20-30 minutes each morning, and our evening devotional probably takes 15-25 minutes. That doesn't sound like much, does it? I can't imagine any family not having time to spend together at one of these times of day.

On Saturday, we are blessed with the opportunity to spend a little extra time during Bible study. Today, we laughed and giggled and talked about all sorts of things that were sorta inspired by what we were reading in the Bible. Or not. John Glenn, seasonal allergies, red M&Ms, the upcoming primary and November elections...all topics that were mentioned during the hour we spent in our cozy living room enjoying each other and the Word. We're studying the book of Job right now, reading a chapter or two each morning, and we're memorizing scripture that coordinates with our evening devotional, Our 24 Family Ways, which we're wrapping up right now. Next, we'll be using the Duggar's Character Training spreadsheet (Scroll down and click on the box that says "Character Qualities") for Bible memory work and character training. 

Simply put, if you don't do this, I think you should. I don't think you should dive in and do everything that we're doing all at once, but I think you should start somewhere. You have to find what works best for your family. If you're concerned about time, head to the Duggar's spreadsheet and just start spending 5 minutes each morning and/or evening memorizing scripture and talking about Biblical character together. Sing a worship song each night before bed and pray together. Don't try to be a hero; just start somewhere.

I cherish these moments together. Saturday is my favorite because we aren't rushing around (we purposefully waited until after Lukas' basketball game). We don't just do Bible study. We connect. We tune into each other. We hear each others' hearts. And the topics that I mentioned that came up today? Those aren't the only kinds of topics that come up. Last night, we spoke about being sad about things that are going on in our lives because one of our kids really wanted and needed to talk about that. While learning what the Bible says about honesty, we talked about people in our lives who haven't been honest with us and how that has hurt our family. Talking about the little things opens the door for your children to talk to you about big things. Don't buy into the world's belief that children don't talk to their parents. Your children not only will talk to you, but they want to talk to you. It is our job as godly parents to provide them with safe opportunities to do so. 

I'm feeling so blessed by the time our family shared today. I hope that I have inspired you to do the same thing if you aren't already doing it. You will love it, and so will your kids!

Courageous Individuality

Are you a parent? What do you want for your kids? I have a list of things that I would like to see in each of my kid's lives. I've never written it down, but I have it inside my head. Here's an example of what part of that list might look like:

• Jesus in their heart.
• Biblical character
• Evidence of the fruits of the Spirit in their lives
• Godly spouse (don't worry. I'm not hoping for this any time soon, but I am praying for this)
• Talent that they can use to serve the Lord
• Biblical World View
• Strength
• Self-esteem
• Courage
• Confident individuality

That last one is a big deal to us right now. It goes along with good self-esteem, and it has a lot to do with finding your worth in Christ rather than the world. These are things that are high priorities for us, for many Christian parents. This means that our family doesn't look like most families, and we're fine with that. We homeschool. We read the Bible every morning and have a family worship time every evening. We spend time together the way families did when families stayed together in the first half of the 20th century. We cook from scratch. We grow things. And? We allow our children to grow and mature at their own pace and to be who they are rather than expecting them to become what the world expects them to be like.

This is why we encourage our children to express themselves in a variety of ways. For our son, this means that he is writing his first piano composition, creating Lego masterpieces and writing hilarious stories for school. It means he is singing and performing and giggling his way through life, and he is using these gifts to serve the church, something he has done since he was 8. I am proud of who he is and who he is becoming.

On Monday, Lukas shared with me as we were getting ready to leave the house to run errands and go to his basketball practice that his coach wasn't being fair. I had to pause to think before I spoke because we all know that what a 10 year old decides is "fair" is very broad. Or narrow. Depending on your perspective. I asked Lukas to explain to me what was happening. He was right. She wasn't being entirely fair, but, since life isn't always fair, I decided not to run to his rescue (this was one crazy giant leap for this mama). I talked through it with him. I suggested that he speak to her himself, and I gave him a few suggestions and asked him what he might say so that he was prepared. And then? I didn't even go into the gym.

When Lukas climbed into the van after practice, I asked him if he had spoken to his coach. He did it. I was so proud of him. And? She completely understood his point-of-view and ended up allowing all the kids the opportunity to grow some skills they had been lacking. Lukas was thrilled, and I could see the confidence on his face as I realized he had just matured by 10 years (we learned about hyperbole today in school. I never use it). This was a big deal. This is the kind of strength, courage, and character we want to see in our kids. It wasn't just about him. It was about all of the kids getting what they deserved. He's a team player, and he went to bat (err...went to the basket???) for his team. I love that kid. He's pretty outstanding if I do say so myself.

For Ava, expressing herself means that she is painting, coloring, cutting, pasting, molding, creating, and making big, sloppy messes every single day. She is dancing to worship music or singing her heart out (usually through her nose. argh!). She is putting together crazy outfits that make me shudder, but this is who she is, and I wouldn't change her for the world. She loves fashion, and, while her choices are not always what I would choose, and she is still learning about matching and what kinds of shirts can be layered together and which ones just don't quite work, it is so important to her that she is allowed to express herself through her clothing, and it's fine with us. This is not a battle worth choosing because, if we did, what would happen to her self-esteem? Her individuality? Yeah. So not worth it.

Just over a year ago, for example, our battle was over socks. "But MOM, all the girls at church are wearing mismatched socks." Say what??? Craziness. That's what I thought. Then we got together with family at Christmas, and our then 16 year old niece was wearing mismatched socks. We don't necessarily subscribe to all the latest fads in our house, but this one is harmless, so I relented. Ava's socks haven't matched in over a year. I'm so used to it that I don't give it a second thought or even notice most of the time. She loves it, and, she's right. All the other girls are wearing mismatched socks(okay, so a lot of girls, but not all). In fact, did you know you can actually buy socks that don't match? On purpose???

One day last month, I came downstairs, and Ava was wearing pastel sparkly pink leggings with knees stained brown from tree climbing and sand boxes and who knows what else. Layered over the leggings were plaid shorts with bright shades of yellow, blue, pink, green and purple on them. She wore a black, long-sleeved t-shirt with a "Rock Band" t-shirt over that. It was a masterpiece. Uh-hem. I shook my head a little and smiled. This is who my daughter is. We weren't going anywhere, so who cares? Right?

I've read many times that we should say yes to our children as much as possible. I actually haven't taken much time to think about that parenting philosophy, but in this case, it is very applicable. I let Ava choose her clothes because it is important to her. If we are leaving the house, I am more specific about what she can or cannot wear. But this freedom I am giving her to express herself? It is shaping her. It is molding her into who Jesus wants her to be. 

There are nay-sayers who believe I am ruining her. I am not. I am watching her learn to create outfits that look amazing. Sure, she's 8, so she gets it wrong more than she gets it right, but who cares? She's happy exploring her closet. When she isn't, she'll wear something different. Right? She is practicing individuality that is unstained by the world's expectations. If that is wrong, then I want to be wrong.

I love who this daughter of mine is. I want more of what she has. Courageous, confident individuality, unaltered by the world's expectations. She is who she is, and she is awesome. She takes my breath away.

Yelling: The Cause, The Casualty, The Cure: A Gabby Moms Review

I gotta be honest. Yelling? I do it too much. I don't plan to yell.  I plan just the opposite. I plan to be patient, kind and at peace with my children even when they are not at their best. I desire to be that mom who never raises her voice even the slightest; and, yet, I find myself losing my temper and raising my voice almost every day. This is truth, hard truth, but it's still truth.


Yesterday, for example, it seemed like we were late from the moment we stirred until the moment we went to bed. All four of us got out of bed late. Our family Bible study was late. My personal quiet time was later in the morning than I preferred. School started late. I could go on and on because I really don't think we did one single thing on time yesterday. Being late drives me crazy, and I allow myself to become short-tempered faster than a hornet when it happens. My children look at me as if they are completely and totally flabbergasted because they really didn't do anything wrong. I am yelling at them because of the situation, which I was clearly a part of causing, and they don't deserve it. It causes anxiety for all of us, and it is my fault that I allow it to happen.


This is why I felt both excited and convicted as soon as I saw the title of this month's Gabby Mom's review item. Yelling: The Cause, The Casualty, The Cure. I knew that I needed this e-book, and I knew just from the title that many, many other moms I know need this e-book as well. In fact, I would go so far as to say that most moms need this e-book. If you are a mom, then you probably need to read this e-book. 

As I was reading this 22 page book, I took lots of notes, and I would love to share them all with you because I believe this to be such an important issue that moms need to address within their homes. Obviously, I cannot do that, so let me give you a little snippet of what you will be getting when you order your own copy of this book.


Within the pages of this short book (it took me less than an hour to read), you will find a wealth of encouragement as well as the conviction and challenge you need to put you on the path of a more peaceful household. Lorrie Flem offers 11 action steps which will help you to train yourself to whisper rather than yell, to train your children to obey rather than aggravate, and your household will become peaceful rather than chaotic as a result of this. I'm super excited about putting all of these action steps into place in my home. If I can learn not to yell, then so can my children, and that is something that makes this mama very, very motivated to make a change!


Lorrie always has great things to say, and this book is no exception. I have noted several quotes for myself to re-read and think about as I go through the process of re-training myself to stop yelling. One of my favorites says this, "Ban the word 'stressful'. Describe a situation as 'difficult' or 'challenging.' That small switch gives you the power to do something about it. Words not only describe emotional states. They create them." Isn't that something to think about? I am posting this one on the refrigerator!


Another compelling quote from the book says this, "The biggest thing is to choose. To choose to be happy instead of angry. Patient instead of impatient. Understanding instead of (willfully) uncomprehending." I think that this little highlight could be applied to many situations in our lives, don't you?


Other highlights that will help you on your journey include many, many passages of scripture that will encourage and challenge you along the road as well as a printable list of the 11 steps Lorrie outlines in the book. 


You can purchase and download your copy of this book at www.eternalencouragement.com for $12.97. You won't regret taking the time to read Yelling: The Cause, the Casualty, the Cure. I plan to re-read it multiple times until I get this down. My kids are worth it, and so are yours!


This post was written in accordance with the Gabby Moms program. I was in no way compensated for this post.

Welcome Home Daddy: A Gabby Moms Review

This past Sunday was a glorious day. The sun was shining. The temperature was warm for this time of year. We went to church in the morning, and one of the ladies from our church delivered a message to the women of the church about being godly women and wives. Afterward, we spent the afternoon with my parents, and then we headed back to church for musical rehearsal and Sunday School in the evening. Doesn't that sound like a nice way to spend a Sunday? 

When we got home, I was overcome with a bad attitude. Looking back, it made no sense whatsoever. I had a fantastic day, but, as soon as I got home, I was tired and cranky, and we all know that when mama is tired and cranky, she has the ability to upset the fruit basket completely. I was definitely in that kind of mood. I finally sat in a living room chair away from my family for a few minutes and paused, thinking about what everyone had done to me to put me in this mood. I couldn't come up with anything! I sincerely apologized to my family. In response to something I said in my little apology, Eric began to smile, walked across the room, sincerely said he agreed with what I had said, started to laugh and then leaned down to kiss me. It was a moment in which I could choose to be upset with my husband because he was unapologetically agreeing with my explanation of my attitude, or I could decide to smile in the moment and laugh. I chose the latter. We both laughed so much that he could barely give me that kiss. Then, the kids were laughing with us (or maybe they were laughing at us). That laughter turned my attitude around and changed the atmosphere of our home for the rest of the evening.

In Lorrie Flem's book, Welcome Home Daddy, Traditional Values for Modern Mothers, Lorrie dedicated an entire chapter to this very idea. The stories she told in this particular chapter were so funny that I laughed hard enough to cause my husband to ask me what was so funny. He wasn't even in the same room with me! Even now, I'm smiling again thinking about one of the stories she shared, which I hope you will read when you get a copy of this book!

Don't we all need to laugh more often? We laugh a lot in this house, but, still, we can always use more laughter. This is one of many, many points that Lorrie made in this little treasure.  The entire book was filled with ideas on how we, as wives and moms, can make the atmosphere of our home better. Making a nice meal each night isn't just about eating, for example, it's about loving your family. Everything we do as wives and moms comes down to this simple fact. If we love our families, we will serve them in a multitude of ways. Making our homes a place where our husbands and children want to return to relax and enjoy each other is a big responsibility, but it is such a worthwhile calling. Lorrie has written this timeless book for modern moms to show us how we can do it even when there are toddlers at our knees and teenagers needing rides; we can still purpose to make our home a shelter from the storms of life. 

For instance, my children set our table each evening for dinner. Last year, I began to purpose to make the table look special more often. Sometimes we'll use a table cloth, or we'll set a little decoration at one end of the table. The kids enjoy putting candlesticks on the table more than anything. One evening, they did all of this unbeknown to me. I walked into the dining room and found the table dressed to the 9s, so to speak. Why did my children do this? Because they have learned that dinner time, with just the four of us, is special enough to dress things up a little because they are special. If we're willing to do these things for company, why not show the people we love the most that they deserve it too?

One thing that Lorrie mentioned in the book a few times that I really appreciated was that she understands that this concept can be overwhelming during certain seasons of life. Afterall, having 8 children of her own, she has been there! One of the subtle themes that I noticed is this, "If you can't do it all, just do something." I don't know that she said those exact words, but that is one point that she made more than once. We can all do something to make our homes a respite. You may be juggling 3 children under the age of 5, and your husband may walk into a messy living room. You can still greet him at the door with a kiss on the cheek and welcoming words on your lips so that he knows you want him there.

You can get your copy of this book, Welcome Home Daddy, at www.eternalencouragement.com. You will also find many other fantastic resources in their shop and on their website. There are several other products that complement this book that I am excited about! I recommend starting with this book. It is $17.97 plus shipping, and it is a book worth reading! Lorrie's ideas are simple and easy to implement in your home.  If you want to read some other reviews of this book as well as find some other great Christian mom bloggers to follow, check out the Gabby Moms Blog.

The last thing I want to mention to you is that Eternal Encouragement is also looking for new blogging moms to join the Gabby Moms program in 2012. Are you interested? I can tell you that I have enjoyed doing this program very much. I have been blessed, encouraged and challenged throughout this year by the products offered on the Eternal Encouragment site. I encourage you to think about it. It could be a lot of fun for you, and what mom doesn't need more fun in her life?

This post was written in accordance with the Gabby Moms program. I was in no way compensated for this post.

Loneliness in the Journey

I am so glad for the break that is being provided to me because I committed to writing this post for Intentional Journey. I need the break right now. I'm in the midst of the chaos that is school planning for our upcoming school year. For the past few summers, I have started planning earlier, toward the beginning of August, used a boxed curriculum and had friends who were a year ahead of me in said boxed curriculum (great resource). This year, I have none of those things in place since Eric and I decided the boxed curriculum wasn't working for our kids anymore, and, because June and July were such busy months for our family, we took it easy for most of August. I don't regret that. I needed it. Eric needed it (technically, he only took it easy on the weekends and evenings). My kids needed it. All of these things have, however, caused school planning to be a little more chaotic and stressful than usual, which is totally fine, but this break to write is so appreciated.

I get so many questions about homeschooling. 1. "Why do you do homeschool?" 2."Will you do this forever?" or, one of my least favorites, "When will you put them into school?" 3. "Do you get a tax break for curriculum?" 4. "Does the school district provide curriculum?" or "What curriculum do you use?" 5. "What about socialization (my true least favorite)?"

So, in short...1. God called us to it. 2. Yes. Forever and ever, and they won't go to school until college if they should so choose. 3. Ha!!! NO. 4. No. We use a variety of different resources for curriculum, and, while a few are free via the internet, most of them come out of our pocket. 5. What about it??? Have you met my kids?

I think that too many people look at us as if we are weird, counter-cultural Christians that they just can't relate to, or they disagree with our calling to the extent that the harshness of their judgment prevents them from forming a true relationship with us. In some cases we have even lost relationships with friends due to this calling from the Lord. Sometimes, this trail that we blaze is lonely. As much as I hear some homeschoolers scoff at the many questions  our public and private schooling peers ask of us, I welcome them because it is my hope that it means that someone wants to know not just about this journey, but also about me, what I do and the things that are closest to my heart. I am that homeschooling mom. The lonely one. The one who sometimes really needs someone to swim to her island rather than always having to row her boat against the tide to get to them. So, please, ask your questions. I will answer them as well as I can.

While this journey has lonely seasons, I am grateful for it. God has done and continues to do incredible things for our family through our homeschool. Because of our obedience in choosing different curriculum this year, the Lord has allowed our Bible study and devotional time to come together like never before. I'm so excited about what we're going to be doing with our kids this year! This is the most important part of our child training, the part that I wish more Christian parents would do whether or not they homeschool. 

This year, we'll continue our family study of Our 24 Family WaysSimply Charlotte Mason. I believe this is exactly what the Lord has for us right now, and He is going to transform our family through it! Instead of Eric teaching one thing during our daily family worship time while I teach something completely different in the morning, the Lord directed us to coordinate the two things. It may sound simple and almost unimportant to have these two times of our day be cohesive, but I was pretty much married to the boxed curriculum the past few years, so this is a big deal for us! in the evening while incorporating the Bible memory work into our morning devotional that I do with the kids at the start of our school day. We're also using this fantastic idea for a scripture memorization box that I found at

We believe that the Lord can only do the great things He desires to do through us if we walk in faith and obedience, and homeschooling is part of that. The choice we are making is not whether to homeschool or not. The choice is obedience to the Lord.

More than anything, we want the glory of God to shine in our lives. Our family has not arrived at this, but we are working toward it. These steps of obedience and these reminders from God that He is directing our footsteps, take us closer and closer to that light permeating our individual lives, our family and our home. It is worth a little loneliness to experience that. It is worth a little loneliness to know that the most important relationship in our lives is in order because we are obeying Him. 

That said, if you have a homeschooling family in your church, I challenge you to befriend them. Reach out. They may really need your friendship. It may open your mind to another point-of-view that will challenge you. Your willingness to step out of your comfort zone will likely be a blessing to you and to the family. The Lord designed us for relationships. We need you more than you realize.

I guess I should wrap this up and get back to lesson planning. This little vulnerable window will likely be followed up with others in the future on my personal blog. My newest goal is to be open about our homeschooling journey rather than trying to explain it away or to try to fit in with everyone else. This is my journey. Our journey. And we have bumps in our road. Even so...we love this journey. I could never have imagined this blessing. I am...grateful.

The Influence of Mothering

Mothering is a deeply complicated subject these days, isn't it? I have written posts recently that have gotten me into a little trouble even though my motives were pure (but only because people read between the lines and found things that weren't there). Even so, I'm going to attempt another post on this topic, a topic that should be so simple and sweet but is utterly complex and too often controversial these days.


Everyone has their own idea about the things that mothering concerns these days. Few subscribe to a June Clever-esque concept of motherhood, fewer care to be grain grinding, goat milking, garden growing hippie chicks, and even fewer subscribe to a truly Biblical model of motherhood. Wouldn't it have been fantastic if God just spelled it out for us in intricate detail that left no room for error? He kind of does. Check out Titus 2 if you're interested in learning about Biblical womanhood as the Lord defines it for us. I don't live to perfection, but I do try to live by this passage of scripture.


That is not really what I want to talk about in this post. It definitely applies to what is on my mind, but it was more or less a free bit of info for your benefit. What I really want to talk about is how women define their worth. It breaks my heart when I hear one who is called "Mama" say that they aren't doing enough to serve the church or community, that they don't "feel" like their life brings enough to the table, that they need to be "doing more" so that they are truly having an effect on the lives of those within their circle of influence.


Um. What??? Mothering is enough. I don't care if you work outside the home or if you don't. Mothering is enough. Mothering provides you with an opportunity to influence not just a few lives, but the lives of future generations in a way that no one else could. The opportunity a mother has is unmatched. Your children, your grandchildren, your great, great great grandchildren will all be influenced by you. Why isn't this enough for the modern woman? 100 years ago, women wouldn't even have given such an ungodly thought the time of day because they were taught to care for their husbands, children and homes in a way that brought glory to God. They were taught that these tasks themselves brought glory to God!!!


The work you do outside your home at a job, church, or community organization pales in comparison to the work you do in your home. If you don't feel like you are valuable, then I dare say you are defining yourself by the wrong standard. The world has unfortunately influenced the church, and that same world may tell you that it is okay to feel like you need more to feel like you are being used, but it just isn't true. You are looking for your value in all the wrong places (did that line just bring up an old love song for you? Totally accidental).


If you are seeking outside opportunities to serve or influence others, I challenge you to look inward. Your children don't need you to be busy. The Father gave them to you so that you could be their greatest influencer. Take it seriously. They'll be gone some day, and then you'll have plenty of time to influence your church, community and co-workers.


You, Mother, are doing God's work when you are choosing to serve at home. Mothering is a noble calling, and we should never look at our lives as if we are not doing enough because we remember those other talents and gifts we have. This is your season to mother. Do it with passion. Do it with grace, hope, diligence, fortitude and honor. When you are through and you are surrounded by healthy, Christ-like adults, your children will rise up and call you blessed!

Sacrifice and Motherhood

Over the past couple months there have been days when I have spent very little time with my children. Today was one of those days, and, before I write this, I don't want you to take me the wrong way. The time I am away from them is time that I don't begrudge anyone. I'm spending time with my parents, and I'm loving that time more than I can express in words (and that would be a good topic for another blog post). 

What I have been able to get a glimpse of during this time is what it might be like to be a working mom. I'm not working, but there are days and busier weeks when I am not with my kids very much. Today I didn't see my kids until about 7:00, and then it was a situation in which we met at an activity and didn't really get to talk to each other until around 9. Today I realized what an immense sacrifice it would be to be a working mom, and I know I would hate it.

It is a vast sacrifice that the working mom makes. I realize there are moms who believe they don't have a choice but to be a working mother. What I can't imagine is actually having a choice and choosing to sacrifice my time to a job instead of being with my kids, or, in a sense, sacrificing my children's lives for a career that I didn't even need.

I am grateful that the Lord has called me to this lifestyle. Every penny that we have to split is worth it. Every meal that I have to prepare at home even if I'm tired and would prefer take-out is worth it. These things aren't sacrifices. Choosing to leave them and only see them for a few moments each day? Now THAT would be a sacrifice. Thank You, Jesus, for showing us a better path for our family. I love my sweet ones, and I cherish every moment with them.